Parenting: Revisiting Simplicity

Every six months or so, I pick up and reread (or re-skim) Kim John Payne’s “Simplicity Parenting”. It has easily become my favorite book on parenting and one of the pillars of my parenting philosophy. It resonates with me for two main reasons: it is aspirational and it is practical. It challenges me to be a better parent and actually provides ways to implement the philosophy in practical ways.

Simplicity Parenting

When I first picked up the book in the summer of 2013 it prompted me to set some really great goals for our upcoming school year that proved that small changes can make a big impact in our daily life. I usually pick the book back up when we, as a family, are ‘off’. Usually after the whirlwind of the holidays or if my husband has been traveling a lot for work. It is a home-base for me, to recenter my parenting and realign my actions with what we value as a family. I also really enjoy discovering new points in the book that I may not have gravitated to in prior readings.

Here are some of my take-aways from this go around:

“We may be the architects of our family’s daily lives, but it’s hard to draw blueprints of something that is constantly changing and growing.” pg. 15

This is the forever-needed reminder that parenting is real hard, y’all. It is not static. It is absolutely true that once you get something down or feel confident in one area of parenting, something will change and you may have to go back to square one. This passage reminds me that I am not alone in that feeling and it is a totally normal part of parenting.

In the chapter entitled “Environment”, Payne discusses the negative effects of advertising on our children.

“These messages (advertisements), over time, create both a sense of entitlement, and a false reliance on purchases rather than people to satisfy and sustain us emotionally.” pg. 58

The conclusion, not only re-inspired me to continue to keep my kids away from marketing and advertisements directed at them as much as possible (thanks PBS and Netflix for making that easier), but also pushed me, uncomfortably, to think about my own relationship with entitlement and how advertisements or even social media can play with my sense of worth. 

I am currently in discussion with my husband on whether or not my son, age 5, is ready to play soccer or baseball in a team setting. I had originally placed an “at least wait until Kindergarten” pin in the discussion, which was arbitrary  and therefore not really worth much in the context of this debate. After observation of my son’s skill level I lean toward ‘yes, he is ready’, but based on observation of his need for rhythm in his schedule I lean toward ‘no, not yet’. My son loves to play soccer in the park and at recess. He adores a game of baseball with his dad on weekends. Am I doing him a disservice by not allowing him to play in an organized league? The book shines through right on cue:

“Given ordinary opportunities and encouragement, a truly exceptional talent will surface. But interests–even strong interests and abilities–often burn out when they’re pushed too hard, too fast, too young. The drive toward the exceptional leaves many loves and passions in its wake.” pg. 152

This passage validates my concerns about pushing too soon and reminds me to chill out. If he is to become the next soccer or baseball star he will do so regardless of playing in an organized way in PreK. I also like that he has joy for these sports and do not want to taint that joy so early with a negative experience in organized sports.

I really do love coming back and rediscovering a point or unearthing something new to fit our new stage of life. I take notes in the book’s margins in a different color every time I pick it up. This colorful timeline is a visual reminder of how valuable this book has been to my parenting journey and I look forward to revisiting simplicity in the years to come.

Parenting: The Long Run

I feel like we are entering a clearing, in a few weeks my children will turn seven and five. Five was a turning point for my daughter and looks to be shaping up similarly for my son. Parenting small children is a whirlwind of stage after stage, milestone after milestone, with little time to stop and take stock of how it’s going. Parenting a baby. Parenting a toddler. Parenting a preschooler. One right after another with different needs, tricks, and challenges. Now we stand ready to parent kids. Just kids.

Now that we can see past the next urgent stage, I have been thinking more about parenting as a long term process and not just a day to day attempt at keeping everyone alive and relatively well. Maybe it is the teacher in me, but backwards planning my parenting feels totally logical and a bit insane all at the same time. For non-educators what I mean by backwards planning is the idea that I should look at who I want my kids to be as adults and let that inform my parenting now.

This type of parenting is often seen in the extremes, hyper-tiger-mothers that say brain surgeon or bust or the willful stage parents with stars in their eyes and dollar signs above their kid’s head. That is not the type of planning I am talking about. I do not wish to dictate what my children will do as careers or their political beliefs or how they will love. I do, however, wish to do my best to set my children up for being functional adults. Adults able to care for themselves and others. Adults that can handle life’s challenges. Adults that have a strong sense of self and purpose regardless of what that may be.

I know that sounds all well and good, but what does that look like? Here is what I am thinking.

1. Acknowledge that we are raising future adults. It is very easy to think about parenting a five year old in preparation for a six year old. It takes a bit more awareness to remember, regularly, that this is a process of transitioning from dependent child to interdependent adult. That every single day we are progressing towards that reality whether we acknowledge it or not. Whether we are fostering the transition or stifling it, time keeps on chugging along. I think this awareness will also help me appreciate the present a bit more, knowing that it is fleeting.

2. Raise awareness of our own baggage. Despite growing up in a lovely stable home with two adoring parents, I still have issues handed down from my family. We are fairly classic WASPs, in that anything unpleasant needs a few glasses of wine and hours to tease out the truth. I am totally aware of this issue. I know that I could easily carry that torch with my own children or allow the pendulum to swing too far in the opposite direction. The awareness piece allows me seek out a middle ground; to find resources and advice about how to communicate effectively with my kids within boundaries. *This is an on-going process, but I will share any great stuff I find in case you fall into a similar boat*

3. Stick with our parenting philosophy. I truly believe in my heart that a Montessori parenting philosophy will help me raiserecite-18895-864535439-1dvajzb functional adults. I think you must have that belief in any parenting philosophy or guidelines that you choose to follow in order to get the outcome you want. I also fully acknowledge that Montessori isn’t the only way to produce functional adults. But it feels right to me, which is why it is my parenting philosophy to begin with. It also creates a default. A place to go when life throws you curve balls. It doesn’t mean being inflexible or unwilling to say something isn’t working. It does mean having a perpetual “sniff test”. A space to ask “WWMMD?” (What would Maria Montessori Do?) It allows for a “why” behind family decisions which bolsters my confidence and ability to stick to my guns on the important things.

This parenting stuff isn’t easy, but looking at it in the context of raising future adults actually makes it feel more exciting. I get to gift the world with two awesome people that make life a little bit more rad for being in it.

Side Note: My 2nd Blogiversary is coming up on October 27th. I have set a goal of 7,000 page views and 100 Facebook likes by that date. You can help make that happen by “liking” my Facebook page if you haven’t already ( and sharing your favorite posts with like-minded friends and family! Thank you!

Montessori in the Home Presentation Fall 2014

Welcome to those of you that have found your way here after attending or hearing about my parent education presentation from Friday.

Attached you will find the PowerPoint and below that are links to some of the referenced posts from yesterday!


Montessori Philosophy at Home 9.26



Preparing the Kitchen Environment:

Montessori Meal Time a NEW Adventure

Adventures in Independence: Packing School Lunch


Preparing the Environment Around the House:

Montessori Ideas: Preparing the New Home Environment

Kid in Charge: Bath Time Routine


Integrating Montessori Language and Actions at Home:

Magic Montessori Words and Ideas

Montessori Ideas: Adding Sign Language



New (School) Year Resolutions 2014

It’s that time of year again, Back to School! A time to reflect on the previous year and renew focus on the upcoming year. We had a great deal of success with our resolutions from last year. I am happy to report that eating breakfast as a family has become routine, our clutter has remained low, screen-time is lower and outdoor time is higher! By focusing on a few manageable goals for the school year we were able to see results without a ton of effort. I have decided to make this an annual exercise for our family and am excited to share our resolutions for this school year.

New School Year Resolutions 2014-2015:

  1. Keep up our Schedule System: Our summer schedule system has been enormously successful with the kids. They absolutely love it! This year the kids will be picked up by the babysitter three days a week and by a parent two days a week. This type of tag-team pick up routine could become disastrous if we can’t keep it consistent between the three of us! The schedule will be that consistent thread that transcends day and adult. I made two additional cards to add to our line-up one for school and one for homework.
  2. Reducing MY Screen Time: My husband and I do not watch TV when the kids are awake, unless it is football season :). When we reduced the kids’ screen time I became aware of my phone use around them. I am committing to staying off my phone evenings before they go to bed and during most awake times on the weekend.
  3. Focusing on the Wonder and Joy of Learning: My oldest will be in the 1st grade this school year. I am very excited for her to join a new community and challenge herself academically. I am not so excited about her venturing into a more “serious” academic world and ever closer to state standardized tests. It is not that I don’t agree with serious academics or testing. (I have much more of a complicated relationship with them, more on that in a later post). It is more that I know too much. Working in education and diving into student data regularly switches my brain into analysis and intervention mode too quickly. I go from looking at a score sheet to asking, “how can we improve this score?” I DO NOT want to do that to my own children. I have to make a conscious effort to not analyze score sheets and report cards. I plan to just look at the materials to make sure that there is not cause for concern or alarm and then quickly shred them. Yep, shred them. That’s how little I trust myself. One of the main reasons we chose Montessori is that joy and curiosity is encouraged in the classroom. I do not want to kill that vibe at home. I want to be aware of the questions I might ask my oldest about school. Instead of, “Which work(s) did you do today?” I will try, “Teach me something fun/exciting/interesting that you learned or discovered today.” I know this will actually be a challenge for me. I look forward to learning better ways to encourage wonder and joy of learning.

I am excited to put these resolutions into action. Have a great school year everybody!  Leave a Comment: What are your New School Year Resolutions? 



Parenting: Competence, Confidence, and Self Esteem

One of my favorite things in the whole world is when I am doing research for my job working with adolescents and something resonates so clearly and appropriately to my parenting that it feels almost serendipitous! That is what happened within the first 20 pages of “Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Giving Kids Roots and Wings” by Kenneth R. Ginsburg.  Obviously the book is about all ages and stages of children but I began reading it specifically for the teen sections, however the applicable content for my own 1st and 2nd plane children is too much to ignore!


For six months I had been struggling to write a post about self-esteem and confidence in Montessori children. The primary focus of “Building Resilience” was succinctly laid out and was exactly what I was trying to put into words: Competence leads to Confidence. When children are competent in a task or ability then they have true confidence. Confidence is different than self esteem. Self-esteem is how we feel about ourselves at any given moment. As an adult I find my self-esteem fluctuates depending on arbitrary things like a fresh pimple on my chin or a particularly flattering outfit. I am, however, confident at my job. I have proven my competence at many areas of my work and that gives me confidence to show up and do my job even with that pimple!

One of the many things I love about Montessori education is that Montessori teachers treat every student as competent. The thoughtful way the classroom is setup is specifically done for students to gain competence. The confidence then follows suit.


I often joke that my children certainly don’t have self esteem problems when they engage in conversations with adults, but that is inaccurate. What strangers and friends are seeing is their confidence. I attribute this confidence to their Montessori education and our Montessori-based parenting philosophy. They know deep in their hearts that they are competent and capable beings and it shows.

How can parents grow children’s confidence through the lens of competence? 

  1. Creating a home environment that allows children to complete daily tasks with little to no adult intervention. Examples included here and here.
  2. Communicating with children with dignity and the assumption of competence. Example “I know you know what to do before bedtime. Let me know if you need any help.”
  3. Consciously shutting down fear-based parenting. More on that here.
Confidence isn't a super power. It is better.

Confidence isn’t a super power. It is better.

Montessori Ideas: The Good, the Interesting, and the Ugly of the 2nd Plane (so far)

As a parent I finally feel like I am getting the lay of the land of the second plane with my six and a half year old daughter. I am decoding what it means for her (and me!) and who she is becoming in this new plane. It has led to several eye opening moments and a few frustrating ones as well.

Here’s what I’ve observed so far:

The Good

I have been blown away by my daughter’s creativity lately. Her brain definitely seems to be visualizing and conceptualizing things in a new way. The other day she was in her room folding paper in various shapes which led to putting the shapes together to make a house which led to making things for the house like little plates with food and a TV showing the World Cup. It was awesome to witness and so fun to hear what she had added when she came into the living room to give updates.

The ever expanding creative house project. She is now determined to add a pool!

The ever expanding creative house project. She is now determined to add a pool!

Another thing that is so great is how she has become “kid funny”. She now enjoys the time honored tradition of bad kid jokes.

Bad kid joke example:

Q: Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? A: The lettuce was a “head” and the tomato was trying to “ketchup”!


She has told jokes and then literally slapped her knee and chuckled. It is awesome to remember at some point I also liked knock-knock jokes and a good pun. The innocence of the humor is so much fun to relive through her eyes. It is a nice reminder that kids are still kids even in our current times.

The Interesting

There were a few things that I knew about the 2nd plane from general Montessori reading and curriculum that I was interested to see in my own child. One of those things was the idea of research. Most people know that kids are naturally curious and prone to ask ‘why’, but Montessori encourages the child to find out the why with as little adult intervention as possible.

My husband and I have tried to prepare our home environment to encourage research in a few ways. One of the ways is to deflect the ‘why’ back at the child. I will respond to her “why” questions with “why do you think…” I find that she usually has an answer and then we can have a better discussion about the topic at hand or find the answer together. Another way we encourage research is to have a few resources handy. I found out that a few awesome atlases were on the bargain table at Barnes and Noble and snatched up a world atlas and a body atlas. These two books have been enormously helpful in encouraging both curiosity and independent research. For example, a dear friend of ours was moving to Israel. We looked together at the world atlas to discover where Israel was in relation to our house. We talked about how he would have to get to Israel from Houston and if he would be able to visit regularly. Both of my children like to just peruse the atlases. I would really like to get a space atlas to add to our little collection.


The body atlas certainly holds their attention and encourages many, many questions. I wonder why...

The body atlas certainly holds their attention and encourages many, many questions. I wonder why…

Another thing I had read about and was excited to observe is the emergence of the ethical self. The idea that the child is trying to figure out what is fair and ethical in our culture and society. I noticed that my daughter was tattling on her brother more frequently and the phrase “that’s not fair” has come up more than once this summer. As parents, my husband and I have to continue on our consistent path. Tattling is a non-starter in our house and forever will be. I try to be consistent and fair in my parenting and when its not possible like when one child is invited to a birthday party and the other is not, I try to explain the reasons as efficiently and without drama as possible.

The Ugly 

In this context I am using ugly in a very southern way, not as an appearance but as an action. And boy has my daughter has been acting ugly recently! She has unmistakably entered the “Age of Rudeness” as Maria Montessori coined it. My sweet kindergartner is gone and replaced by a blunt direct kid. This article by Maren Schmidt certainly helped give me perspective. Yes it is normal. Yes she is exerting her mental independence and sharing her own unique opinion for the first time. The problem I am having is how do I respond to this normal developmental behavior because it makes me nutty! I can’t bite my tongue when she is being rude and so far calling her out on it isn’t really helping! I also have to be careful in my response because I don’t want her to feel like she can’t share her opinion or speak her mind. I think what I am looking to do is teach tact. So dear readers how do you teach a six year old tact? And how should a parent respond to a child acting ugly?