This morning I led a Parent Education course on Montessori and Discipline for the Home.

Please check out the attached presentation. I feel that we only scratched the surface on this topic and I look forward to exploring it more!

Montessori Discipline

Oh Santa, there are so many wonderful Montessori inspired gifts that are making the list this year! My children are now 4 and 6 and full of curiosity.

Our wish list “rules” are pretty simple:

1. The toy/gift shouldn’t do too much on its own, that means no batteries required.

2. The toy/gift should be able to be played in multiple ways and be open-ended.

3. Communal toys that can be played by both kids or the whole family are a bonus.

4. Avoid character based toys as they go out of fashion too quickly.

So here is what we are eyeing this year.

• My son (the four year old), loves puzzles and has requested more challenging options. We have this Rainforest Puzzle from Melissa and Doug and we adore it so much that I think this Solar System Puzzle will be next.
• Both of my children, but particularly my 6 year old, are really into exploring and observation. I wanted to get her something that could be used in our own backyard to explore her environment. I thought this Terra Kids magnifier over at Montessori Services was a good choice. I have actually seen one of my 7th graders use a similar tool to this one so I know it can used in the long haul.
• We have outgrown our current blocks so we will be adding to our building materials. My husband will be pulling out his Lego collection from the attic and we are thinking of adding these beautiful Texo materials as well.
• Something we truly need are some glass pitchers. We used these plastic pitchers starting when my son as 2, but now we are ready to graduate to the real deal (real Montessorians would have used glass from the beginning but remember the Practical part of this blog?). I like this simple one again from Montessori Services. 
• We also like art supplies and a few books!

You can check out last year’s list here for more ideas. We will also be going through our current toys and books to make room for the new stuff and make sure we are keeping kid clutter low.

What is on your Montessori Wish List? 

I am unaware of any Maria Montessori writings that discuss how to teach a child to ride a bike, but that doesn’t mean she can’t be the inspiration for our approach to this rite of passage.

The Montessori idea that the environment (equipment) should be built with the child in mind inspired our family to look past the typical children’s bike with training wheels. I recall “learning” to ride a bike with training wheels and then having to (really) learn to ride a bike without them. It was not a smooth transition for me, they were totally different skills and having training wheels did not give me confidence but rather left me dependent and scared for their removal.

Thankfully other inventive folks understood this same issue and set out to try a different approach. It was deduced that balance is the hard part of bike riding not the pedaling or steering, as any observant parent who has ever seen a two year tear down a drive-way on a tricycle could tell you. So instead of buying the large bike with training wheels, how do you begin?

Begin with the balance bike! Our balance bike, that was purchased on a whim from a discount site, has been the key to our bike riding success! My daughter used the balance bike for about six months and my son used it for over a year beginning at 2 years of age. My son at 3 was so successful with the balance bike that he could run and glide at a similar speed as my daughter on her “real” bike.

This is a similar version to the balance bike we used. You can get it on amazon.

After success with the balance bike we moved to a 12-inch bike which is the same size as the balance bike just with added pedals and brakes. It took my daughter about 4 hours over 3 days to master the new bike. My son took only about 30 minutes! He is still learning to brake and stop without rolling into the grass, but the progression has been extraordinary. My now 6 year old gifted her 12-inch bike to her brother and earned a 16-inch bike for her birthday. This incremental increase in size could become cost prohibitive so we expect to purchase all future bikes at garage sales or Craig’s List. My children are not biking geniuses, we just set them up with appropriate equipment and the ability to feel successful.

My 3 year old on his first day of “real” bike riding.

As many of you know, I get to work with an amazing group of Montessori adolescents as their teacher’s assistant.  Today I wanted to give you a small visual tour of some aspects of our environment and give you just a little taste of what we experience every day. You will notice that most of these pictures are outside. I adore how much time I (and the students) get to be outside everyday. Enjoy!

The beans in one of our organic beds greet you as you enter the adolescent domain. The students are responsible for their care. They even built the planter box they sit in.

The school’s chicken coup also greets visitors to the adolescent area. The rooster and hen are fed and cared for daily by the students. They are also a hands on resource for science lessons.

Inside the classroom, the anatomy of the chicken model sits on the reference shelf in the classroom for students to explore what makes our own chickens tick.

Heading outside once more, an orange ripens on the vine in the school’s orchard. The students are the caretakers of the orchard and it serves as an extension of the classroom.

The tables in the orchard may be used by students during a work period, but more importantly they are used at lunch time. Yes, this is our cafeteria.

Through the gate, the pond is another learning environment that belongs to the whole school but is looked after by the adolescent students. It has also been used for lessons including a math exploration into finding the volume of the pond.

Back indoors, the classroom library houses computers, fiction, non-fiction, and reference books.

During the bustle of daily chores, Oscar, the gecko, one of the classroom animals gets some sun with one of the weekly livestock attendants.

A chime is used to signal transitions. Time to restore the classroom for the day. Thanks for coming on our little tour.

This past Friday I gave a Parent Education presentation on implementing practical Montessori ideas in the home. It was a shorter version of my PMET presentation and I believe it was well received. If you are new to the blog because of that presentation, welcome!

One idea I mentioned when discussing peace between siblings seemed to cause the most “light bulb” moments in the room and I realized that I had never written a post about it (until now)! It is an easy concept in theory but takes practice and time to implement. It is the idea that there is a clear difference between saying “I’m sorry” and “Will you forgive me?”

When to use “I’m sorry”

“I’m sorry” is to be used when something is an accident or the intention is not malicious. For example, my 3 year old is very much like most 3 year olds in that his gross motor skills aren’t always contained. He quite literally ricochets around the house. If (when) he ricochets into his sister and she starts crying, it is an “I’m sorry” moment. Yes she was hurt, but the intention was not to hurt.

When to use “Will you forgive me? or Will you accept my apology?” 

Just this weekend my children were playing in my daughter’s room, my daughter snatched a toy she wanted from my son who became upset and threw another toy directly at his sister. She burst into tears. The result was the same as the last example, but the intention was different. Both children had intentionally harmed each other.  My daughter wronged her brother first so she apologized first.

She said, “I apologize for snatching the toy away from you, will you forgive me?”

Son, “I accept your apology. I apologize for throwing the toy at you. Will you accept my apology?”

Daughter: “Yes”

And from that point on they have to let it go. They can no longer be upset or rude to each other because they have accepted the apology. I can imagine a time in their teens when apologies are not accepted because more time is needed to “get over it” and that is OK! Getting to this point takes practice and modeling from Mom and Dad.

This small concept is worth the work it takes to implement. We are busy growing adults and functional adults have functional relationships. Functional relationships hinge on communication. If even just once my children ask their future spouse for forgiveness when they have wronged him/her I know it was worth it! 

Like most educators I follow the school calendar cycle and count my years from August to May (or June) instead of marking the new year in January, so it only makes sense that I should write down my  new year’s resolutions as we stand ready to plunge into a new school year. I developed these resolutions after spending a great deal of my summer reflecting on my parenting and seeking advice and knowledge. One of the most important things I think I accomplished this summer was to clarify what my parenting style actually is and where I would like it to go. I did this by reading everything I could get my hands on and taking the time to observe other parents at work, not judge, but observe objectively.  I now know confidently that Montessori is the base of my parenting and things that I gravitate towards tend to build on that base. Themes that appeal to me and my style are empowering my kids to be independent, establishing defined boundaries, and creating a joyful childhood.

One book that really touched on the above themes was “Simplicity Parenting” by Kim John Payne, M.Ed. It really resonated with my new clarity of style and motivated me to move from theory to action. Many of my resolutions are based on this great book and I have tried to supply my thought process for each.

My 2013-2014 New School Year Resolutions: 

1. Keep toys, puzzles/games, and books to a simplified level. Clutter overwhelms me, particularly visual clutter. I can’t even handle a pot rack, it stresses me out! Despite my fear we still ended up with way too much kid clutter, especially books. Payne explains the reason for the simplifying in this way, “As you decrease the quantity of your child’s toys and clutter you increase their attention and their capacity for deep play.”  I spent a few days simplifying. I started with the toys. I threw out the broken ones and easily put the baby and obnoxious toys in the Goodwill pile. It took me two rounds of simplifying to get the books to a reasonable level. Reasonable is going to vary for each person, but for me I wanted all of the book covers to show on our book shelves. I was nervous about the whines and complaints that were sure to come. They didn’t. My kids did not even notice and truly began to play with things they forgot they even had. This has motivated me to maintain our current clutter level or go even lower. It has also inspired me to only have “no gift” birthday parties from now on. Do you do “no gifts”? How do you like it? Does your kid care?
2. Increase our daily family rhythm by having at least two meals together. Similar to Montessori, Payne argues that children thrive with a predictable and stable rhythm to their day. We have committed in the past to sitting down as a family for dinner every night and are very consistent. I wanted to make sure my children started their day in that same consistent and stable fashion by committing to eating breakfast every day as a family. This one is much harder, mornings are rushed times typically. We have just begun to make this adjustment and we are not there yet. I realized just this week I have to wake up even earlier to ensure I am ready to sit at the table when the kids do. This is also a commitment to actually eating breakfast which I am not great at but understand that it is actually good for me! You can see that it says “two meals” and not just breakfast and dinner, this is because on weekends my husband and I might have a date night. If we are going out and leaving the kids with a sitter than we are committing to eating breakfast and lunch as a family.
3. Decrease screen time. We have long had the policy in our home of no screen time during the school week. It is something my husband felt adamant about and I went along with it. I did not give it much thought until this summer. I began to observe how my children react with various levels of screen time. A half hour on the iPad can be a welcome break after swimming or before lunch; an hour and a half of iPad leaves my children grumpy. I realized that my children cannot handle very much screen time, so not only are we keeping our no screens during the week rule but also adding only one half hour of screens per weekend day with the occasional movie as a special treat (Fri-Sun). Later in the summer when I started using this rule with them, they may have whined a bit or asked to watch something but when I stuck with my “no” they found other more fabulous things to do. Every single day in the month of August my children have worked together to create a fort. They use blankets and chairs, pillows and books to create their elaborate hide-outs. By denying them the easy entertainment they got bored and then promptly found an awesome way to fix their boredom.
4. Get outside daily. During some parts of the year like October to April this is a no-brainer, but here in Texas the summers are just so brutal. Through observation though I realized my kids behaved better and were happier after having spent some time outdoors that day. Summer months particularly August will take some creativity and I don’t want to rely on the YMCA swimming pool to be our only summer outdoor activity. What do you like to do outside when it is really hot?

The (polite) entrance to a recent hide-out.

What are your New (School) Year’s Resolutions? Please share!

Summer has been hard on me. We have done many wonderful things and made many wonderful memories, but the day to day is very challenging and made doubly so by a husband on a very rigorous travel schedule. Being with my kids for 24 hours a day/7 days a week has left us all a little on edge. Maybe it is the weakness that my three and a half year old smells, but nevertheless he has decided that this summer is an experiment in how to break Mommy. He has succeeded on many an occasion, but the great thing about parenting is that every day is a do-over. We have taken many a do-over.

On one especially tough week recently I knew I needed something, something that could provide a different perspective and pull me out of my rut. I bought the book “How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk” by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. This parenting classic has been around for 30 years, but it is exactly what I needed at the time I needed it.

Big takeaways for me at this time in my parenting life:

• Many times I say things that don’t help. They don’t help the kids in their situation to feel or act better. And they don’t help me to feel or act better, mostly they just leave me feeling guilty. This book has brought me a new level of awareness and a desire to replace old habits with more helpful ones.
• When “engaging cooperation” my children respond best to describing the problem. Example: When my son has peanut butter on his face from lunch and I would really like him to clean his face. I used to say, “Go clean your face you have peanut butter on it.” Now I say, “I see a boy with peanut butter on his face.” Both lead to my son washing his face, but the latter is done without complaint and with enthusiasm.
• There is a whole section on “encouraging autonomy” that I think we do really well, thanks Montessori!
• Another section that spoke directly to me and my parenting this summer is the chapter on “freeing children from playing roles.” I had undoubtedly cast my lovely son as a mischief maker. I spoke about him that way to others and his sister. Sighed and lamented “What are we going to do with you?” Reflection is a powerful thing here, because gross, really. That’s pretty gross and unfair. But I recognize that and am recasting him by pointing out how sweet and thoughtful he is.

There are more takeaways that apply to my daughter and to future parenting issues and skills, like how to talk to teenagers. I also think this book is helpful in reaffirming some of my teaching skills as well.

All I needed was a new perspective!

I have also found this summer that when all else fails get a babysitter!